Friday Mailbag Returns with Lost Books
It’s been a while since strange mail has arrived at my doorstep. Mail left with me, but not addressed to me. Rarely, in fact, is there any sensible address for addressee or returnee. So I read my strange mail. First up, in a plain white envelope coated lightly with dust:
Dear Dr. Henry Newage
In reviewing library records, I have discovered that you were lent fifteen books over ten years ago and have yet to return them. Accidents happen. Books borrowed are sometimes forgotten. What I found disturbing, however, is that the list of borrowed books matches exactly a list you had submitted to the library’s Board of Directors for removal on moral and scientific grounds. Apparently the previous head librarian was aware of this subterfuge, but chose to look the oher way. I, however, cannot.
I request the immediate return of these volumes in good condition. We will waive, this one time, late charges, but if any of the volumes are unrecoverable, we will be forced to escalate matters.
The volumes of note are:
The Habits and Practices of Highly Successful Rats by Deloris Pettigrew
Bag of Knobs and Boomsticks by Peter Mouse
A Secret History of the Western Swamp and Its Environs by Col. Gunther Montrose
Tuppence a Penny (or, How to Lose Your Shadow) by James Environs
Three Winds Come Through My Door (Poems) by Millicent Powers
Electricity In Ancient Mesopotamia by Halyard Mistral
Beer in Ancient Mesopotamia by Halyard Mistral
How To Sink a Ship by Gail Hops
The Daily Diet of the Aztec Merchant by Miles Killingly
Uncommon Sweetmeats by Chas. Kowalski
Five Bells, Four Sails, Three Souls by Frederick Hershey
One If By Land, Three If By Air: The Secret Air Force of the American Revolution by Henry H. Hyde
Living Like a Caveman by Durant Johnson
The Pornography of Easter Island by Kik Jones
The Twelves Days of Christmas by Fr. Francis MuldoonIn light of your past generosity to the library, the Board of Directors have asked me not to suspend your borrowing privelages. However, I have left strict instructions for you not to be lent anymore books from the children’s section, and have added a notation that before you are lent any books at all, that you see me so we can discuss this matter in person.
I look forward to that moment.
Your sincerely,
James Newage,
Head Librarian
King’s Hall Town Library
Often with my mis-delivered mail comes a note written in a reddish-brown ink upon a rough, rag paper. I have note seen these notes in a while and had hoped that the events of which they darkly hinted had been resolved.
Apparently I should be so lucky. Today’s message reads:
As events come to close, events come to unfold.
We are come enlightened. We are come confused.
As ever, we await your signal.(signed)
Unisgned
Huh. Welcome to the return of the Friday mailbag.
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Today’s link goes to our new favorite coffeeshop here in West Warwick–Feels Like Ohm. It’s fairly new, having opened a few months after we moved here. Lots of comfy chairs. A Library full of fun books. Good coffee. Good snacks. Some great art on the walls. Occasional events. An all-round comfortable place to hang out and be a coffeeshop person. If you’re in the area, check it out.
Cheers!