Welcome to Friday, and welcome to the mailbag–which is actually a mailbox if you want to get technical about it. The first piece of mail comes in a plain white business envelope from a Manhattan address. It reads:
Dear Sir(s),
It has come to our attention here at Winter & Nash that you’ve been in contact with an individual who calls herself Dr. Petula Gregorii and who claims to be an investigator for an unnamed group of so-called scientists are studying certain phenomenon.
We feel it is our duty to warn you that Dr. Gregorii (if a doctor she truly is) is skilled charlatan of the highest order. Her unlikely claim to have discovered the full skeleton of a blue whale in the Himalayas was intriguing, but the later claim to have ruled the whale’s death as a result of impact from falling from a great height strikes us as entirely ludicrous and calls many of her other claims into question. Likewise, her outrageous claims and poor follow-up has become a source of embarassment for many of those who have previously funded her epeditions.
For instance:
Regarding her discovery of a species of 13-tentacled giant freshwater squid residing in the far depths of the Caspian Sea suggests a carelessness in observation and a tendency toward rushing to conclusions without proper scientific evidence. As to the the remains she claimed to have found, she blames the crew of the Baku with “poor preservation techniques by peasant fishermen” for its supposed dissolving.
We do not believe she has discovered a sequoia in western Canada that has grown, as she puts it “upside-down” with branches and leaves buried in the soil, and its roots sticking up into the air. The only proof she supplies are a few dirty and gnarled branches. There is no photographic or other proper evidence of her claim. Likewise…
Her claim that from the northern slope of Kilimanjaro, one can observe clouds passing behind the moon strikes us as the fanciful conclusions of careless observers who do not understand the basics of optical illusion.
She recently made headlines in certain newspapers not known for dedicated journalism in her announcement of a secluded valley in South America being discovered in which stone pylons depict such historic events as the moon landing, the tearing down of the Berlin Wall, and the Reagan assasination attempt. The photos supplied in these newspaper stories are, without exception, blurred beyond belief and the occasional accompanying drawing looks to have been done by a five year old with palsy.
We understand that this Dr. Petula Gregorii is contacting your organization in hopes of securing funding for an expedition to the Australian outback where she claims she and her party expect to uncover the lost remains of several noted cases of missing persons (to whit: Amelia Earhart, Judge Force Crater, and Ambrose Bierce). We understand all too well how the potent comibination of Dr. Gregorii’s charm, charisma, and misguided devotion to her cause can aid in securing her funding (we ourselves contributed to the Himalayan expedition), which is why we here at Winter & Nash feel compelled to warn you.
Save yourself the grief and the funds and avoid any one-on-one meeting with Dr. Gregorii. Be unexpectedly out of town. Be out of the country, or better yet, off the continent. Get quarantined in a sickhouse. Get sent to prison. Believe us when you say you will lose less money in any of these ways than if you were to sit down with Dr. Gregorii and allow her to make her proposals to you in person.
Don’t say we didn’t try to warn you.
Your servants,
Winter & Nash
Next up is the old familiar rag paper with crimson ink note, but this week rather than being folded carefully, I found it crumpled and stuffed into the bottom of the mailbox. It reads:
To Whom It May Concern,
We are being followed. We are rushed in writing this, and likewise rushed in delivering.
We await your signal, but for God’s sake wait until whatever is following us grows bored or dies.
signed,
(unsigned)
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Into UFOs? Me neither, but you’d be surprised how many people are and how many sightings are reported each day. Check out the website of MUFON - the Mutual UFO Network who, for forty years, have been the central meeting point for UFO buffs the world over.
Enjoy, and keep watching the skies!
Friday, October 16th, 2009,
by John Teehan,
Filed under: Blogosphere, Humor, Letters, Writing| |
No Comments
Sorry I’ve missed the past week of Rumor Tuesdays and Friday Mailbags. The cold had me set on slow for longer than I like and certain things had to get cut out. Now I’m back, tall in the saddle, so tall I’m at risk for a nosebleed. And now we’re returning to our regularly scheduled truths, half-truths, white lies, and total fabrications. This week, we’re going underground.
Rumor has it… The sewers of Paris contain many of the long-lost treasures of the Templar Knights including King Solomon’s crown, a piece of the True Cross, and the actual Shroud of Turin (as opposed to the more famous fake residing at the Vatican).
Rumor has it… At one point in the 14th century, there were more people living beneath Cairo than above it.
Rumor has it… The band The Velvet Underground got its name after Andy Warhol did an exploratory photoshoot in the sewers beneath Greenwich Village and commented that all the moss growing on the sewer walls made it look like “a velvet underground.”
Rumor has it… The story of full-grown alligators being found in the sewers of New York originated from the discovery of dinosaur bones–specifically a Velociraptor mongoliensis which were stolen from The New York Museum of Natural History and stashed there by thieves.
Rumor has it… An underground chamber maintained by the US National Security Agency is so large that a small twin-engine plane can take off on one end, cruise for ten minutes, and land at the opposite end.
Rumor has it… Speaking of sewers, Edgar Allen Poe was a big fan of the Providence’s and once found a route leading from his rooming house to the Athaneum that was nearly all underground. Author H.P. Lovecraft was aware of this route and claimed it as part of the inspiration for his story “The Shunned House.”
Rumor has it… More people are lost and killed in Carlsbad Caverns than are kidnapped and killed by serial killers nationwide.
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Today’s link goes to a short history of the Irish banjo by famed player Mick Moloney. Did you know Irish warriors in the 5th century preferred the Irish tenor banjo as a club? It’s not true, but would’t that be something?
Tuesday, October 13th, 2009,
by John Teehan,
Filed under: Blogosphere, Humor, Music, Rumor| |
No Comments
Tuesday’s Rumor file comes on Wednesday because yours truly is suffering a pretty bad cold. Therefore, this Tuesday’s Rumor file (on Wednesday) features everyone’s favorite maladies: colds and flus…
Rumor has it… “Flu” is one of those rare terms in which the shorter form is older than the longer form. In status-conscious Victorian England, it was considered poor breeding to suffer the same illnesses as the lower classes. Sir Henry Langford of the Royal College of Physicians was the first to coin the term “influenza” as a specific malady similar to the flu, but affecting the upper classes exclusively.
Rumor has it… Despite new virulent strains of flu that appear each year, there are actually fewer active strains of flu now than there were two hundred years ago.
Rumor has it… A child conceived while one parent is suffering a headcold is seven times more likely to be a boy than a girl. If both parents have headcolds at the time of conception, the child will be three times more likely to be a girl.
Rumor has it… The native people of Easter Island, despite frequent contact with the outside world, are the only people on Earth who appear to be immune to colds and flus.
Rumor has it… Wonder if you have a cold or a flu? Weigh yourself. People with colds weigh on average two kilos more than their normal weight while people with flues weigh two kilos less.
Rumor has it… Biggest buyers of homeopathic remedies for cold and flu? Doctors, pharmacists, and employees of pharmaceutical companies.
Rumor has it… To combat colds, child actress Shirley Temple Black recommended two days in bed cutting out paper dolls and drinking peppermint tea.
Rumor has it… Comedian Charles Fleischer could only do the voice of Roger Rabbit while suffering the later days of a cold. He recorded his part in Who Framed Roger Rabbit in the space of the final two days of a headcold and when it came time to do some re-recording during the final edits of the film, Fleischer spent the a week wandering a Los Angeles hospital until he came down with a cold again and could once again do Roger Rabbit’s voice exactly as he had done it earlier in production.
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With all the love I’ve been seeing lately for Buster Keaton and Harold Lloyd, where’s the love for the little tramp? Okay, Charlie was the biggest for a while and the renewed interest in Keaton and Lloyd’s work is fairly new. Still, today’s link takes you to The Official Charlie Chaplin website where you’ll find all the info you’d ever want on one of the silent era’s biggest comedy stars. Check it out.
Cheers!
Wednesday, September 30th, 2009,
by John Teehan,
Filed under: Blogosphere, Humor, Rumor| |
2 Comments
Welcome to Friday! This week’s mail comes in the form of a letter with a black border delivered from an New York attorney’s office. As happens with a lot of strange mail here, things like postmarks and return addresses are hopelessly smudged. it’s like a cheap literary device to keep the writer from having to explain too many awkward details.
Anyway, the letter reads forthwith:
Dear Mr. Earhart-Jones,
We regret to inform you of the passing of Bacchus “Le” Royal, born John Philip Smith, formerly of Topeka, Kansas. Mr. Royal’s passing occurred on September 4, 1995. We regret contacting you at such a late date but you are a difficult individual to track down. Fortunately, part of Mr. Royal’s estate included a generous fund for detective work in tracking down former members of 5th Company. All the former members of 5th Company have changed their names save you–which explains why you are the last member of 5th Company to be located and presented with these items left to you by the late Mr. Royal. (We were operating under the assumption that you too had changed your name and wasted much time and money searching for your original identity, unaware we had known it all along.)
In any case, we have located you, and now we may, at long last, close the file on Mr. Royal by presenting with you this box of items that the deceased requested be delivered to you upon the event of his death.
Please check this list against the items in the box delivered with this letter:
A soldier’s left boot
Half a bible, cut diagonally
A black and white photo of an elderly Samoan woman
A used clay pipe
A map of Iowa
A compass without needle
A single page from a gentleman’s novel
A small spyglass
A bottle of cologne (?)
Fifty-four cents made up of 1 quarter, 3 nickels, a dime, and four pennies–all dated 1954.
I am also charged to pass on the following message.
“Rally the troops. Seek our charge on the island. The time has come.”
Again, I apologize for the lateness of this note. In the years that have passed since Mr. Royal’s death, five former members of 5th Company have since passed on themselves. Two are in prison, and one is currently under hospice care.
My condolences.
Unless the contents of this box do not match this list, please do not contact this office. We are now closing the file on Bacchus “Le” Royal of 5th Company.
Yours sincerely,
William Nerve, Esq.
Attorney-at-Law
In addition to this legal letter comes a folded note on rag paper penned with crimson ink that reads:
To Whom It May Concern,
We are awaiting your signal. It seems like we have to tell you this every week. Last week we gave each other haircuts while waiting for your signal. That did not turn out well. This week we’re considering tattoos.
Please send us the signal.
signed (unsigned)
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
As a nod to the latest Dan Brown book, The Lost Symbol, today’s link takes you to a page the Freemasons put together as a response to the book: The Lost Symbol and Freemasonry. I make reference to it in a book review I wrote for Forces of Geek.
Cheers!
Friday, September 25th, 2009,
by John Teehan,
Filed under: Blogosphere, Humor, Letters| |
No Comments
In 1923, pirates off the coast of India hijacked a ship which was carrying a print of the Rudolph Velentino movie The Sheik (1921). This is the origin of the term “pirate” when referring to illegal copies of movies. The most pirated movie on record is Three Men and a Baby (1987).
The infamous line, “Frankly Scarlet, I don’t give a damn.” in the movie version of Gone With the Wind (1939) does not appear in the original novel by Margaret Mitchell. It was added by the studio to beef up press coverage of the film.
During the very opening scenes of The Sixth Sense (1999), Bruce Willis is watching the end credits to Weekend at Bernie’s (1989), a favorite of director M. Night Shyamalan.
A problem with funding for Clerks (1994) almost stopped Kevin Smith’s film career before it began due to flooding in Smith’s home which threatened the comic book collection he was selling to pay for the film.
The most cursed film in history? Conquering Cross (1941) by Sergei Eisenstein in which 189 members of the cast and crew were killed in accidents ranging from electrocution to drowning. The original cinematographer, Alexi Andropov, was killed by a bear at the Moscow zoo a week prior to the production’s start.
From the cutting room floor: In Close Encounters of the Third Kind (1977) Francois Truffaut slapped Richard Dreyfuss. Kangaroo Jack (2003) had a cameo by John Rhys-Davies as a foul-mouthed Australian hobo. Fire Walk With Me (1992) had a cafe scene filmed in Esperanto. The topless scene in Driving Miss Daisy (1989).
Over 9,000 pounds of soba were used during the filming of the Juzo Itami film Tampopo about a trucker who trains a young widow in the art of noodles.
The theatrical preview for the Coen Bros. movie Blood Simple (1984) was created before the actual film was made. It was filmed with the help of Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell while they themselves were filming Evil Dead (1981).
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In light of a recent conversaion on Facebook, today’s link takes you to He-Man.org. Want to know more about Castle Grayskull, Battlecat, Skeletor, and the Masters of the Universe? Why would you go anywhere else? This is one of the only sites of this type I’ve seen to openly have a download section for videogame ROMs and emulators. Go figure.
Enjoy!
Tuesday, September 22nd, 2009,
by John Teehan,
Filed under: Blogosphere, Humor, Movie review, Rumor| movies, Teehan|
No Comments
Welcome to Friday and if it’s Friday then it’s time to see what mis-delivered mail the postman has left stuffed under the door. Daisy hates our mailman. I don’t know if it’s the way the air smells of sour milk when he arrives, or the sound of thunder, or the weird way he just keeps laughing and laughing, but something about him bugs her.
Anyway, this week we have an international envelope with international postage. I’d return it to the post office myself but I know it would be undeliverable given that the address is smudged beyond recognition. Let’s see…it reads:
My dear friend,
Forgive me for writing to you in English rather than in our beloved native tongue, but I find that here in America it is important to immerse oneself in the local language of Engish if one is to ge along with the more prickly natives. I very much look forward to your arrival and will meet you at the airport in Denver at the agreed upon date. Don’t pay too much attention to the postmark on this envelope. I tend to move around a lot as there is so much to see in this strange country. Yes, you’ve read the guidebooks, but trust me, Sorin, there is so much more to see that historic landmarks and shopping malls. I have become quite fascinated with the small towns and villages that one sometimes comes across. In a country of this size, and with a population so varied and large–well… here are some examples:
In the town of Humble, North Dakota there is not single soul under the age of 93. While the town’s one-room schoolhouse is a crumbled ruin, the cemetary is oddly overgrown and in a general state of disrepair. The local industry relies on a little bit of farming and the repair of old tube radios–owing to the presence of a large warehouse still reportedly full of old glass tubes.
In Wild Kilkenny, Tennessee, the entire town operates as if the AM and PM were reversed. Townspeople rise at around 7:00 PM, got to work for 9:00 PM, eat lunch between midnight and 1:00 AM, return home for 5:00 AM and eat dinner at around 6:30 AM whereupon they often retire at 10:00 AM–all seemingly oblivious to how the rest of the the timezone behaves. Children attend school in the evening. Church services are held on Sunday evenings. The town’s only gas station is open 24 hours, but their peak operating hours are not as they are in surrounding towns.
The phenomenon of an entire town behaving strangely is not unique to these first two examples. For instance, in Happenstance, Rhode Island, it is customary for all of the town’s citizenry to dress and behave as Hollywood stars of a bygone age. The town council is made up of Yul Brynner, Cary Grant, Greta Garbo, John Wayne, and John Carradine. Local businesses are operated by the likes of Marilyn Monroe, Jimmy Stewart, James Cagney, Carol Lombard, Louise Brooks, Humphrey Bogart and Gregory Peck. I met a set of triplets who all looked like Peter Sellers, albeit in different roles (Inspector Cluseau, Dr. Strangelove, and Chance the Gardener). Likewise, this practice includes children. The town’s playground looks like the shooting lot for The Little Rascals. High school students look like Andy Hardy and Judy Garland. No one seems to find it that unusual.
These are the most normal examples. I have heard rumors, mind you, of more sinister, mysterious and odd towns. The people of Umbra, Texas, for instance, supposedly cast no shadow. Sowet, Florida, is said to be home to a family of giants–nearly twice as large as the currently known tallest men and women. On the flip side, Popular, California is a very small town with a very small people–and very, very difficult to find. In Goodbye, Alaska everyone speaks backwards. In Lloyd, Wisconsin everyone wears Groucho glasses and walks with a stoop. They are known for their one-liners.
So when you visit America, leave your assumptions behind. Yes, New York City and Los Angeles are assaults to the senses. And I’m afraid Texas is worse than you’ve no doubt heard. This country will keep you guessing. When I find it difficult to sleep–which is often in this strange country–I think of home.
Transylvania was never like this!
Your friend abroad,
Lazlo Attila
Cottleston Pie, Wyoming
In addition to that little missive, we have the usual rag paper-crimson ink note. Now that I think about it–while it often arrives the same day as the weirder mail from the weirder mailman–I think these particular messages arrive via another carrier. Someone who works at night. Anyway, this week it reads:
To Whom It May Concern,
We’ve been giving each other haircuts.
Really, send the signal soon. I fear what will come next.
(signed)
unsigned
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
In honor of the recent passing of Henry Gibson, today’s link takes you to a fan page for Roawn & Martin’s Laugh-In. Pictures, quotes, cast bios, FAQs, MP3s, and more. Lots of fun here, and well worth the visit.
As a bonus, here are some poems by Henry Gibson.
Cheers!
Friday, September 18th, 2009,
by John Teehan,
Filed under: Blogosphere, Humor, Letters, Writing| |
No Comments
The twelve original internet servers designated for ARPA-net across the United States are still in operation despite having half the processing power of an average modern desktop computer.
Speaking of which, the twelve servers are each named after the Signs of the Zodiac and hold Air Force ranks equivalent to captain. Despite holding Air Force ranks, only Captain Picses, the server located on Eielson Air Force Base outside of Fairbanks, has actually been on a plane. Each of the other servers were transported to their final destinations by truck.
The theoretical concept of the Internet has been described as early as the 1400s as a natural development of the moveable-type printing press.
Hypertext, which is a major component of HTML, was often bundled with early Macintosh computers as a multi-media tool. When the WWW was developed, Hypercard (which utilized the Hypertext language) essentially disappeared to all but Mac historians.
If every e-mail address in existence today were to send a one-word e-mail at exactly the same time (taking time zones into account), 99% of all processing servers across the world would suffer massive overheating resulting in a worldwide shut down of the Internet.
Kevin Steadier of Cleveland, Ohio locked himself in his room on October 31st, 2001 and lives solely through his internet connection–consulting for online security firms for money, pays all bills online, and makes all purchases, including groceries, via various web-based services. He married via webcast in 2005 a woman he met online but has yet to meet in person.
Search engines, prior to the WWW, were named after characters from Archie comics. The most popular ones were called Archie, Veronica, and Grundy.
The first transcontinental e-mail sent was from a Corporal Bell in Nevada to a Leiutenant Watson in London.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Today’s link, as a nod to one of the above items, takes you to the Official Archie Comics website. Comics. News. Downloadable images. Character blogs… and so much more. Yeah, I’m an Archie fan. Yeah, I still buy those double-digests from the supermarket stands. Okay, I prefer the old school character designs and stories, but this site has ‘em all–old and new.
Enjoy!
Tuesday, September 15th, 2009,
by John Teehan,
Filed under: Blogosphere, Comics, Humor, Rumor, Writing| Archie comics, Internet history|
No Comments
My apologies to those who expected me to write more this week than Tuesday’s Rumor piece and today’s Mailbag piece. I’ve been keeping way busy, as usual, and there hasn’t been much interesting to report besides that. If you hunger for my words so much and you’re all out of gin…my weekly column at ForcesOfGeek.com went up last night. First Encounters With the Geek Kind can be found by clicking the link.
On to this week’s mail!
I recently received a neat, white envelope from a Dr. O’Riley, a film professor from Arkham Community College from a Mr. Wise of Port Jefferson, NY. The postmark is over ten years old, however, and after reading the letter I did some research online…first, though, the letter:
Dear Mr. Wise,
Thank you for bringing to my attention the work of Spyro Kilkenney. I thought I was familiar with all of the directors to have come out of Greenwich Village in the 40s, but Kilkenney seems to have escaped both my notice and the notice of other film historians. Given the nature of his work, I am somewhat surprised. Perhaps he fell victim to the Red Scare following the war? Or perhaps his work was too ahead of its time to be treated seriously by contemporaries, so his work was never discussed. After an exhaustive and dilligent search, I was able to find theatre listings for some of Kilkenney’s film being shown in cities such as Toledo, New Haven, Providence, Talahassee, Olympia, and Fairbanks–but no reviews, and nothing past 1949.
I am currently compiling a series of reviews and analyses of Kilkenney’s work, as we discussed, but would ask that you pass on any biographical data and other relevant historical material you come across from your half of our proposed book so that I may place his work in the correct context. Some specific requests, if you don’t mind, would be:
- In Guns Over the Niagara, Kilkenney’s use of prosthetics suggest that the federal agents looking for the trio of high school girls are, in actuality, robots. Was this his intent? Or did he simply like actors with prosthetics?
- Why does he often portray store owners as rag dolls. He does this in five out of the seven movies you’ve shown me. Perhaps this is why he was thought to be a communist?
- While film directors often make short cameos in their films–Kilkenney is the only one I have ever seen to actually carry a large placard during his cameo that reads, “I am the director, Spyro Kilkenny.” Follow-up: is the alternate spelling of his last name intentional? He does this all five times.
- Home For Christmas Pudding is confusing in that it does not take place around Christmas, there is no pudding, and it is the story of an anthropologist exploring Africa–with no mention of going home whatsoever. Also, the credits do not match the actors nor roles. Obviously there was a mix-up in the titling cards which leads one to wonder where the actual film Home for Christmas Pudding is, and what the title of this particular piece actually should be.
- It is plainly evident that Kilkenney was either unaware or didn’t care about child labor laws. Comment?
- Is that a young Ronald Reagan being beaten up by Russian tea ladies in Forget the Alamo? Uncredited, apparently. I also note an uncredited appearance by Jackie Coogan in two distinct roles–one as a young pickpocket, and again as a middle-aged congressman. Can you shed any light on this? Are there other uncredited but notable appearances?
- His film One Cup, Two Girls is extremely unsettling. I’m just saying.
- Finally, the ending to The Lives of Five Presidents is extremely unclear. The five former presidents are all in a car. The car goes off the road. First we lose the sound, then the camera rolls wildly and blacks out. Then the reel ends. Is this a problem with the reel? Are we missing footage?
This should give us a start. I’ve already spoken with a publisher who says that if we provide him with a manuscript by November, he can have a book printed and ready for distribution before Easter.
Please get back to me as soon as you can.
Yours sincerely,
(signed)
Phineas T. O’Riley
It should come to no surprise to my regular readers that my research yielded no results for anyone named Spyro Kilkenney. It appears his work will continue to go unknown. Big surprise, eh? My mailbox–it’s like the dead-letter office… only weirder.
Along with the O’Riley letter was the familiar rag-paper note. Usually it’s folded rather neatly. This week it appears to have been stuffed in my mailbox rather hastily. It reads:
To Whom It May Concern:
We’re in a bit of a rush.
We cannot reveal why.
If you’ve a signal to give
by god
Please give it
Before we all burn.
In the meantime, if you need us, we’ll be in the sewers…
where it’s safer.
(signed)
unsigned
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Today’s link goes to The Marvel Comics Database. More information on Marvel comics than is probably healthy. Don’t believe me? Try it for yourself. This was how I was able to track down a specific issue of The Incredible Hulk from 1975 based on nothing more than some dim memories of one page of action. Took less than five minutes.
Friday, September 11th, 2009,
by John Teehan,
Filed under: Uncategorized| |
No Comments
Ever wonder about mirrors? Of course you have!
Based on various dig sites in southern Europe, Asia, and Africa, archaeologists believe that the mirror was one of the earliest inventions to have ever been developed by early man–before the wheel and spear, but after fire.
An early Sony prototype for high-definition TV allowed mirrors shown on-screen to reflect the image of the viewer. The special process, however, requires four times the usual power requirements and often resulted in console meltdowns.
Walt Disney was afraid of mirrors, as was John Wayne and Montezuma.
The tradition of seven years bad luck when breaking a mirror has its origins in the legend of St. Barnabus, a 3rd century hermit who lived atop a column in Damascus. He would use the mirror to signal villagers nearby when he required food or water. He accidently dropped the mirror and it broke it. The villagers assumed that God was providing for him and no one checked in on him for seven years.
Due to light refraction in the atmosphere, typical mirrors will not work on Jupiter.
Newspaper mogul William Randolph Hearst so loved his reflection that he arranged for the inside of his mausoleum to be completely covered in mirrors, and for the lid of his own coffin to feature a full-length mirror.
Austrian artist Jager Muell installed over 5,000 mirrors throughout Vienna. Each mirror was angled in such a way so that a viewer standing at the entrance to the Vienna zoo could gaze into the directly into the kitchen of his mother’s house which was located 20 kilometers away, just outside the city.
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Anyone remember a game publisher from the late 70s/early80s called Judges Guild? No? Well, it was really old school RPG’ing. They were known for their cheap art, but pretty decent gameplay. And they were often a bit cheaper than the official TSR and related products. For those who remember those heady days when roleplaying games were still new and weird, here’s a page with covers from a lot of those early publications. Fun little wayback stuff.
Cheers!
Tuesday, September 8th, 2009,
by John Teehan,
Filed under: Uncategorized| |
No Comments
Today’s mailbag contains, as usual, two items: the first being an old, aged browned envelope with a stamp that might be worth quite a bit of money were it actually be legible. Time was not its friend. Carefully, I extracted the letter within and it reads thusly:
Dear Mr. Briggs,
As requested, we have conducted a full-scale, premium historical search on your ancestor and namesake Montesque Forsyth Briggs, born 1620 in the village of Stub-On-The-Wye, Cornwall, England.
Following your suggestion, we found records of one M. Briggs boarding The Eye of Galway to France in autumn of 1641, but records indicate that the ship never reached Calais. The registery of sunken ships suggests it may have been hit by lightning and burned to the waterline in the middle of the Channel.
At your urging, we continued our search in Spain and found a Sr. M Brigges in the court of a minor coastal nobleman in 1651 serving as a master cartographer and keeper of the royal chest–an unheard of position for a foreigner. In 1652 the castle was looted by pirates and ignited. Brigges was not listed among the dead nor survivors.
In 1661 an MF Briggeks appears in the governor’s tax role in Curacao. He is listed as a ship outfitter and seller of optics. In 1662 Curucao was attacked by natives and burned to the ground.
According to tales told among the Seminole indian tribe, a white man named Monty Brights in 1671 (as determined by certain weather events) headed an expedition into the swamplands. He took with him several native guides and paid for their service with a merchant boat loaded with Eastern spices. The group was never heard from again, but stories persisted of strange explosions in the north.
Nothing can be found of Montesque F Briggs for a while, then in 1711 a whaling captain named Briggs arrived in New Bedford aboard The Maui with over 2,000 barrels of light whale oil. His crew numbered ten Japanese sailors who had been stranded in Saipan. Before off-loading the oil, The Maui went up in flames. Briggs and his sailors disappeared.
He shows up again in 1721 in the company of five “men of the East” in Humbold, Germany. He is captured as a spy. Due to his age, he is laced under house arrest at a local inn. The inn burns to the ground and only five skeletons are found in what was his quarters.
In 1741, an MF Brigges marries Dotty Park in Stub-On-The-Wye, Cornwall, England and they give birth a year later to Montesque Forsyth Briggs.
Records after this cease to exist. The church burned down.
Please note that we are not keeping any copy of these findings. All copies made during our research, and all originals, have been sent to your offices by special courier. Call us superstitious, but the number of fires associated with this research are disconcerting and… well, we’re not ones to take chances. I’m sure you understand.
Yours sincerely,
Keyes Historical Research
Chicago, Illinois
October 1871
Alongside this interesting tidbit of someone’s family history is the familiar rag paper note written with crimson-colored ink.
To Whom It May Concern:
Did you drop this?
If so, is this the signal?
We require clarification.
We require a signal.
We await your signal.
signed (unsigned)
Yeah.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Today’s link visits ThePulp.Net a hub on all the info you’ll ever need on the great pulp magazines of days of yore. Don’t forget to check out the Doc Savage page. Why? Because Doc Savage rules.
Cheers!
Friday, September 4th, 2009,
by John Teehan,
Filed under: Blogosphere, Humor, Letters, Writing| |
No Comments
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