I’ve given a pass to several of the facebook questionaires going around, but figure I’d give this one a go this morning. Be forewarned… I did not take any of the questions seriously and basically put in clever smart-ass answers because I’m really a very private and timid sou—

You aren’t going to buy that, are you? Well, because coming up with odd answers wakes my brain up a bit. For those who’d rather skip the tedium of watching me try to be clever than I really am, hit your “Find” feature in your browser and type the word “cornucopia” to skip to the end.

The picture is here solely because I find it kind of disturbing. And comforting.

50 More Questionable Questions

1. If your doctor told you TODAY that you were pregnant, what would you say?
“You quack, you. Get your hands off me.”

2. Do you trust all of your friends?
I don’t even trust myself.

3. Would you move to another state or country to be with the one you love?
She did for me, so sure. Even if she didn’t, sure. Mind you, some parts of the country I’d probably be lynched on sight, but what interesting stories people would be able to tell later.

4. Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
A reason, sure. A good reason? Not necessarily.

5. Can you make a dollar in change right now?
I went to primary school, so yes, I can make change. I understand that’s no guarantee for today’s kids.

6. Which one of your friends do you think would make the best doctor?
The one with the medical degree.

7. Are you afraid of falling in love?
Done it. ’tain’t so bad now, innit?

8. Do any of you guys notice there is no #8???
Primary school. Of course not.

9. Is there someone who pops into your mind at random times?
Yes, but he’s not real. Well, he’s real but he’s not tangible. His name is Jack and he laughs a lot. Why are you backing away?

10. Whats your most favorite scar?
The one I haven’t received.

11. When was the last time you flew in a plane?
I’ve never been able to fly in a plane. I, like the other passengers, often remain seated while the plane does all the flying.

12. What did the last text message you sent say?
I think it was something about getting Margaret to sneak Chinese boneless pork ribs into her purse to take home for me.

13. What features do you find most attractive in the preferred sex?
Sense of humor, intelligence, and infinite patience with my all-too-clever ass.

14. Fill in the blank. I love____:
Blank. Is this some kind of test? How did I do?

15. What is a goal you would like to accomplish in the near future?
Making it to the near future.

16. If you were to wake up from being in a coma for an extended time who would you call?
A doctor.

17. How many kids do you want to have?
I couldn’t possibly eat more than one at one sitting, thank you.

18. Would you make a good parent?
Given the right body parts, some surgical thread, an unspoilt brain, and a good lightning storm…possibly.

19. Where was your profile picture taken?
I took it once on the bus with me downtown, otherwise it tends to be a homebody.

20. Whats your middle name?
What’s yours

21. Honestly, whats on your mind right now?
Hair. Honestly.

22. If you could go back in time and change something, what would it be?
I’d look over my original plans for the time machine and remeber to include the remote-return control module. Nothing like getting stuck in time.

24. What are you wearing right now?
Your patience.

25. Righty or Lefty?
Lossey and goosey.

26. Best place to eat?
Off a plate.

27. Favorite jeans?
The ones that make my eyes blue.

28. Favorite animal?
I love Animal. He’smy favorite muppet.

29. Favorite juice?
Jon Stewart and Woody Allen. Thank you for asking such an odd question.

30. Have you had the chicken pox?
With sesame noodles, yes.

31. Have you had a sore throat?
I don’t do a lot of Norwegian foods.

32. Ever had a bar fight?
That’s four parts Four Roses whiskey and a pool cue, right? Then yes.

33. Who knows you the best?
My mirror thinks it does.

34. Shoe size?
Yes. Both feet.

35. Do you wear contact lenses or glasses?
Eventually, with use

36. Ever been in a fight with your pet?
We argued once about stem cell research and our relationship hasn’t really been the same since.

37. Been to Mexico?
Yes and no.

38. Did you buy something today?
I bought that you might be entertained by this.

39. Did you get sick today?
The day’s not over.

40. Do you miss someone today?
I’m a very good shot. I don’t miss twice.

41. Did you get in a fight with someone today?
The day is but a babe. Let’s wait until the teen hours.

42. When is the last time you had a massage?
I received a bunch of massages in my a-mail this morning.

43. Last person to lay in your bed?
Until we toss the bed out, we won’t really know, will we?

44. Last person to see you cry?
Was looking the other way.

45. Who made you cry?
Yes. Mr. Abraham Who os Trenton, NJ said some vile things about my shoes once. Thank you for bringing up such a painful memory.

46. What was the last TV show you watched?
See #43 and apply.

47. What are your plans for the weekend?
Mayhem, nap, mayhem, nap, mayhem, two naps.

48. Who do you think will repost this?
Someone who can’t think up their own answers.

49. Who was the last person you hung out with?
Should such a horrendous occasion arrive, I’d at least want to be hung alone. Why share the scaffold?

50. If your significant other asked you to marry them TODAY what would you say?
I’d have stern words with the priest who was supposed to have married us a year and a half ago.

And there you have it. My apologies. They can’t all be winners.

And for those with the good sense and taste to skip this…cornucopia

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I should finish the Van Alexander book later today, or by early morning at the latest. It’s been a productive week thus far. I should be turning in the 2nd proof of the medical journal as well, and as I await the edits of the SFWA Bulletin, I can sneak in some more material for the upcoming Nebula Awards Weekend. Good week. Good week.

Rumor has it…Zebras are neither white with black stripes, nor black with white stripes. They are a teal color with salmon highlights. The black and white stripes are the result of an optical illusion used by zebras to confuse zoologists and childrens book authors.

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Today’s link visits JohnHartford.com, home to the late great banjo player, fiddler, and steamboat songster John Hartford. This site includes a full discography, forum, bio, and access to loads of great merch. If you love music, then you love John Hartford.

Check it out.

Cheers!