None of the supposed “facts” about certain notable webcartoonists are true. They’re all lies. Fabrications and misrepresentations. This part of the post wouldn’t know the truth if it bit it on the post-erior. Lies. Lies. Lies.

Now you may be saying to yourself, “John,” misquoting Hamlet, “methinks thou dost protest too much.” Well, if that’s your perception of my absolutely truthful statement concerning the lies you’re about to read…there’s nothing I can do.

Let’s get this train-wreck underway, shall we?

For no related reason, here is a picture of the Enterprise from ST:TNG

Tatsuya Ishida of Sinfest is noted for being the “invisible man” of the webcomics world. Why is he so rarely photographed? Why can so few people pick him out of a crowd? Perhaps Tatsuya Ishida is merely a psudeonym of a much more famous internet celeb whose name I will not mention, but what rhymes with “Bill Beat-on”

Randy Milholland of Something Positive prefers not to sleep in a bed, but instead sleeps in a nest made of cushions, pillows, blankets, old coats, and bath towels. This habit goes all the way back to early childhood as a result of a number of cruel pranks played upon him by his older sister.

Cartoonist with a leaf-blower fetish? Or Secret Service operative exhibiting some very specialized weaponry?

Jennie Breeden (Devil’s Panties, Geebas on Parade) has a twin who worked for the Secret Service during the Bush administration, but is now a member of the Australian Royal Guard. Records are unclear as to whether this is a twin sister or twin brother, and Jennie adamantly denies any knowledge of this.

Jerry “Tycho” Holkins, the writerly half of Penny-Arcade cannot yodel nor whisper. This is the result of a childhood accident in which a Gameboy cartridge was lodged in his throat, requiring surgery for its removal. The game? Cliffhanger–based on the Sylvester Stallone/John Lithgow movie which featured many mountain-climbing scenes.

Jeph Jacques of Questionable Content used to design promotional materials for fast food restaurants. His placemat mazes, word jumbles, and fill-in coloring drawings are highly sought after collectibles. The Holy Grail of these is a word-search puzzle placemat which included the phrase “Pearl Jam Sux”

Zach Weiner is not his real name. I mean, come on

El Kongo was here like you wouldn’t believe.

Scott Kurtz of PVPonline has never placed first in a Donkey Kong world championship title, but has reached second place twice and third place four times between 1991 and 2000. In Texas, his gaming nickname was “El Kongo”

Phil Foglio of Girl Genius and Buck Godot owns a set of dice once left behind at his Chicago apartment by Gary Gygax in 1989. These dice are no longer used for gameplay due to an unnatural tendency to roll high. The dice have not been tampered with in any way. Some believe they are the Prime Dice.

Lies. All lies. Anything here that is actually true is probably a lie as well. I just want to make that clear. There is absolutely no reason why you should trust me or anything written above.

I’m just saying.

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As I’m whittling away at various projects, I’m also getting closer to bringing some new Merry Blacksmith titles into the world.  I’ve mentioned some of the upcoming titles here (and probably will again) but the two that we’re hoping to have out by the beginning of August are:

RED SKY RADIO by famed indie comic creator Matt Howarth. Jump into the exotic atmosphere of a cloud giant with the freelance cloud miners that inhabit an orbiting space station. Thrill to adventure as they avoid evil corporate raiders and killer robot probes, and work toward an unexpected future. Matt is an amazingly vivid writer who paints a colorful novel filled with great characters and music. He really shines in this and it’s easily the best SF novel I’ve read this year.

THE JOY OF BOOKING by Bud Webster, author of Anthopology 101. Bud has been selling books at conventions longer than some of you have been alive. In this volume, he shares his tips and trade secrets in how to be a successful book dealer–not just at conventions, but from the comfort of your own home as well. Bear in mind, too, that while the focus of this is the book trade, much of it can be easily applied to other types of dealing such as comics and collectibles. This is a must-have for folks looking to defray the cost of their con schedules with a little selling on the side.

Later this year we have more from Matt Howard (including a collection of his science fiction horror comics), some more short fiction collections, poetry, and nonfiction. We may have some Merry Blacksmith swag ready, as well as art by Christmas. So stay tuned.