MoiApparently, my March 18, 2009 post “50 Questionable Answers To Questionable Questions” is one that gets visited quite a bit. No accounting for taste, I suppose, but in that spirit, I’ve decided to revisit the post and offer up 50 new questionable answers. Not guaranteeing any laughs here… just me being an off-the-cuff smartass. Why? It’s Wednesday. Wednesday is this day I post this kind of stuff.

So… here we go…

50 (Questionable) Questions (revisited)

1. If your doctor told you TODAY that you were pregnant, what would you say?
“It’s just gas. Bad gas. I’m naming it after Dick Cheney.”

2. Do you trust all of your friends?
To do what? Anything? Yes. Anything specific? Sadly… yes.

3. Would you move to another state or country to be with the one you love?
I have offered more than once to relocate to regions of this country where my kind wouldn’t necessarily be welcome, but my wife loves me and does not want to see me lynched. I think we’re both happy right where we are for now.

4. Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
Yes, but the reasons are not what you’d expect and are, in fact, quite chilling. I’ve been learning a lot from the History Channel lately.

5. Can you make a dollar in change right now?
Yes, but if you will still end up owing me three cents. New math… go figure.

6. Which one of your friends do you think would make the best doctor?
The one who gets the most rest.

7. Are you afraid of falling in love?
Love? No, of course not. A pit full of bears? Yes.

8. Do any of you guys notice there is no #8???
We don’t do post-modern irony here. Move along. Nothing to see here.

9. Is there someone who pops into your mind at random times?
Popcorn. Popcorn would be nice right now.

10. Whats your most favorite scar?
It should be “most favored” or simply “favorite”… “most favorite” is grammatically incorrect. I suppose my most favored scar is the one I picked up in Heidelberg while I was chair of the Grammar Nitpickers Society. Our slogan? “Go declaratively, adverbial exclamation!”

11. When was the last time you flew in a plane?
Who needs planes? Pixie dust and happy thoughts!

12. What did the last text message you sent say?
All teams converge! Tiger! Tiger! Tiger!

13. What features do you find most attractive in the preferred sex?
Preference for me.

14. Fill in the blank. I love____:
Lines.

15. What is a goal you would like to accomplish in the near future?
First, making it to the near future. Second, making it past the near future.

16. If you were to wake up from being in a coma for an extended time who would you call?
Room service.

17. How many kids do you want to have?
Oh, what the heck. I’ll have a second, but just a small one. The first one got me completely stuffed, but hey… it’s not bad to splurge once in a while.

18. Would you make a good parent?
Would I make a good parent do what? Eat a bug?

19. Where was your profile picture taken?
At the most recent plaid-wizard’s tourney.

20. Whats your middle name?
Puddin’ Tane

21. Honestly, whats on your mind right now?
A hat! I like hats. Why have a head if not to hold a hat?

22. If you could go back in time and change something, what would it be?
I’d probably change all the clocks back an hour… just to mess with all the other time travelers.

24. What are you wearing right now?
A sense of self-satisfaction.

25. Righty or Lefty?
Depends on the weather. Kinda personal question, innit?

26. Best place to eat?
On a stick.

cocteau-jean-medium27. Favorite jeans?
Jean Reno, Jean Stapleton, Jean Luc Godard, Jean Luc Picard, Jean Seberg, Jean Cocteau, thank you for asking.

28. Favorite animal?
John Bonham

29. Favorite juice?
Alternating current.

30. Have you had the chicken pox?
I had turkey pox, which is similar, but makes you sleepier and tends to crop up only around the holidays.

31. Have you had a sore throat?
I don’t do a lot of Swedish foods.

32. Ever had a bar fight?
No, officer. We were just discussing Kant. (Yes, of course)

33. Who knows you the best?
The Shadow, apparently.

34. Shoe size?
33K wide then slim then wide

35. Do you wear contact lenses or glasses?
Neither. I wear prescription googly eyes.

36. Ever been in a fight with your pet?
Two falls out of three. Winner gets the ice cream. We both cheat.

37. Been to Mexico?
Once upon a time.

38. Did you buy something today?
Each day I buy into a sense of optimism. There’s usually a refund required by the end of the day. Always save your receipts.

39. Did you get sick today?
Mail hasn’t come yet. People send me the weirdest stuff.

40. Do you miss someone today?
I’m an excellent driver. An excellent driver. No, I didn’t miss.

41. Did you get in a fight with someone today?
Not yet, but then again… I’ve not logged into Facebook yet.

42. When is the last time you had a massage?
I don’t really dig French food.

43. Last person to lay in your bed?
Wins!

44. Last person to see you cry?
Loses!

Peter Capaldi and Matt Smith45. Who made you cry?
Yes. But we all have high hopes for Peter Capaldi.

46. What was the last TV show you watched?
See #45 and apply.

47. What are your plans for the weekend?
Nap, mayhem, nap, mayhem, nap, mayhem, nap, two mayhems.

48. Who do you think will repost this?
Someone I’ve offended. This isn’t personal trivia… this is evidence. Alas.

49. Who was the last person you hung out with?
A penitent thief and an inpenitent thief.

50. If your significant other asked you to marry them TODAY what would you say?
Well, of course.

And there you have it… again. And once again, my apologies. They can’t, and won’t, all be winners.

And for those with the good sense and taste to skip this… here’s a picture of a folded piece of paper.