I’m still trying to make up for some time lost due to a 30-hour power outage and other unexpected wrinkles to my work schedule. Today has been a furious flurry (flurryious?) of activity. Still, I didn’t want to entirely miss one of my scheduled update days, and fortunately I had been able to write this on my Kindle before the battery died yesterday. I meant to post it this morning, but you know… flurryious times. But the afternoon beats never, so here we go… Letters to Monster:
If I had such a thing as an alter ego, it would be Monster. My current ego is just fine, so I tend not to need any alters–just the same I have fun being Monster whether its calling in a dinner reservation, signing a painting, or stalking a stretch of beach an hour before sunrise. Now Monster is handling some of my mail–to-whit, my Q&A mail. Word has apparently already gotten out, and perhaps Monster has started reading and answering mail without me. This is some of what Monster (me, I guess) has been up to in that regard:
My boss says to work harder, not smarter. That doesn’t sound right. Shouldn’t it be the other way around?
Kenessa Popcorn, Kennesaw, GA
The Japanese have a word for working oneself to death–karoushi. You should check with HR to see if your company has a life insurance policy out on you.
Our teacher wants us to make a diaphragm commemorating the Oregon Trail. What does the westward expansion have to do with birth control?
Calvin Watterston, aged 9
My husband says I keep him up all night with my snoring and that he is considering sleeping in the garage from now on. Thank you for the suggestion. My snoring doesn’t bother me at all.
Grenadine Psalter (Mrs.)
Happy to be of service.
Every morning when I wake up my feet are covered in mud. There are no footprints tracking in our out of my bed or bedroom. I live on the 8th floor of an apartment building in the middle of a concrete jungle. What gives?
Silas Silo, Chicago, IL
This is not an uncommon issue with people from the Midwest.
My boyfriend has taken to wearing blue nail polish. Should I be concerned?
No reason to be worried. Your boyfriend just wants to be more like Monster.
And that’s all we have for the moment. If you want to write in and ask Monster a question… well, I wouldn’t recommend it. (If you’re insistent, then that’s what the comments section is for, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.)
Until next time…